I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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