no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
