I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
