is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
