if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
