i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
