when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
