You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
