Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
