i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
