my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
