I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
