White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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