dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
