2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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