Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
