I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
be right there i have to get my cape
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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