i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
