quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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