My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
