so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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