YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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