I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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