Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
