Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
are you so shy because you have an std?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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