Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize