peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I understand Curling. That high.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
