can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize