thus making me awesome and them whores
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
