So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
