can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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