my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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