Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
