The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize