suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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