Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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