its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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