Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
