Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
