so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
