THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
