The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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