the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
