What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
