He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize