Don't make out with my wife yet
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
