At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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