Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
