I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
