That's intense
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
