Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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