I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
