dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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