Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
