im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
