I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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