I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
