i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Randomize
