I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize