Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
