And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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