she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I believe in your delicious
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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