Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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