I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am one with the molecules
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
