did you get engaged???
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
