I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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