i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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