David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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