Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
