so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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