no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
