bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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