So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
