Where did you get a picture of my penis
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
