Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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