omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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