i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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