Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
