I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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