Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
