first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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