but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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