He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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