so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
